Having trouble expressing my thoughts, as usual.
Feelings of anxiety and excitement towards the prospect of school again. Being back in the world of academics sounds so gratifying, especially after taking this time off to truly appreciate it. The nagging anxiety comes from financial stresses mixed with, "Is this the right thing? Is this what I want to do FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?" These are unfair questions to ask myself. I honestly don't expect to know what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. Basically, I want to be capable of financially supporting myself. I love my job, but I want a career. When I'm honest with myself, I feel pretty good about this route. But its easy to become overwhelmed. Its too soon, its too far away, its too much. One step at a time, I'm going to figure all this out. My life is going to change drastically, but I think it will be good for me.
So I wait, working for my hourly wage and planning my next move. I don't exactly love this place I'm at, but deep down I know its important. Maybe much more than I realize. I want to know that when its time for me to grow up and make these big decisions, I'll be ready. For right now, I need to focus on where I'm at NOW instead of staring dreamily into some shimmering future.
I am happy with my life right now. Truthfully. I have time to figure these things out, and I know I will. I have an incredible, loving, and supportive family who I don't give enough credit. I have a good job. I have.. the friggin best boyfriend. I know that I'm going to be okay, I just have to keep remembering.
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