re:do

Last week was rough, especially at work. Its easy to get worn down by the general public, but I'm feeling better this week. My brother is coming to Knoxville this weekend and I'm very excited. I'm not really sure what to do while he's here, but I know we'll have a great weekend. I found out that Boyd may be gone for the summer, which means I would be living by myself for four months! Kind of freaked out and worried, but trying to be okay with it. Goodnight for now.

Today has been fucking awful.

stuffed

I need to change my eating habits.

Coming soon: A blog about self-improvement.

night time confessions

Having trouble expressing my thoughts, as usual.

Feelings of anxiety and excitement towards the prospect of school again. Being back in the world of academics sounds so gratifying, especially after taking this time off to truly appreciate it. The nagging anxiety comes from financial stresses mixed with, "Is this the right thing? Is this what I want to do FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?" These are unfair questions to ask myself. I honestly don't expect to know what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. Basically, I want to be capable of financially supporting myself. I love my job, but I want a career. When I'm honest with myself, I feel pretty good about this route. But its easy to become overwhelmed. Its too soon, its too far away, its too much. One step at a time, I'm going to figure all this out. My life is going to change drastically, but I think it will be good for me.

So I wait, working for my hourly wage and planning my next move. I don't exactly love this place I'm at, but deep down I know its important. Maybe much more than I realize. I want to know that when its time for me to grow up and make these big decisions, I'll be ready. For right now, I need to focus on where I'm at NOW instead of staring dreamily into some shimmering future.

I am happy with my life right now. Truthfully. I have time to figure these things out, and I know I will. I have an incredible, loving, and supportive family who I don't give enough credit. I have a good job. I have.. the friggin best boyfriend. I know that I'm going to be okay, I just have to keep remembering.

I can smell again!

Great news - I'm feeling much better. I can breathe and smell again, and the my usage of Kleenex has decreased dramatically. We're talking at least 2 boxes a week vs. a few tissues a day now. I'm so excited, and I hope it will stay this way. I have another appointment in March where we will do a CT scan to make sure everything's okay with my sinuses (since this happens to me so frequently) and I will also be allergy tested. It feels great to be tackling these health problems when I usually let them slide. I need to figure out how to stay healthy and prevent myself from becoming so sick all the time. Here's to some good antibiotics!

happy birthday-anniversary-valentine's day

Mid-February is the holiday epicenter for me. February 12 is Jacob's birthday, as well as our anniversary. Even though we don't really celebrate Valentine's Day, somehow it still adds to the confusion and chaos as this important weekend approached.

This year for Jacob's 24th and our 2 year anniversary, we took a day-trip to Chattanooga to the Tennessee Aquarium. We had a fantastic day. We stopped on the way down to have a tasty lunch at Cracker Barrel, which made it feel like more of a road trip even though its only an hour and a half away. I must say, my rueben sandwich and chicken & rice soup really hit the spot on this cold Sunday.


Jacob being 24 at Cracker Barrel.

On the drive down we listened to the best radio show ever made, Radiolab. I became so obsessed with this show after I heard it a few times on NPR. Each show is based around a broad theme, like "Memory and Forgetting" or "Loops." They delve into aspects of science, philosophy, and the human experience. We love, love, love it.

Finally in Chattanooga, we began exploring the aquarium. It was beautiful and exciting. I absolutely love aquariums and museums and zoos. We saw all kinds of fish, penguins, butterflies, and jellyfish. My favorite, of course, are all the little turtles!



Afterwards, Jacob bought me this adorable owl tea set that was inexplicably at the Aquarium gift shop. I'm so excited to use it!



Afterwards, we had coffee, birthday dinner, and a few beers. I wish we could celebrate like this every weekend, but I'm glad we were at least do it for these two special occasions. And now, its off to bed where I have chicken pot pie and Valentine's Day candy from my wonderful mom. Good-night.

superstitious

Went to Barnes & Noble with Jacob today. I purchased a beautiful hardback copy of Asterios Polyp and I can't wait to read it. While Jacob was reading his physics and astronomy books, I read an astrology book about Gemini's 2012. It's silly, but I love reading my charts and such. Some things just seem too accurate. I would read Jacob excerpts and even he agreed, though I don't think either of us are actual believers. Reading my 'prediction' made me feel really calm - it was really what I wanted to hear about this year (and of course, this is how astrology book companies stay in business). I hope that this is a good year for me. The path ahead of me is so foreign and I don't know how to handle a lot of the things in front of me. But I hope to figure it all out one step at a time. Money. School. Career. Love. Friendships. And this damn sinus infection (or whatever it is).

Sinus Woes

I've had some pretty bad sinus problems my whole life, but this winter has been one of the worst. I'm not sure if its allergies or if my sinuses just hate me, but I am going to see an ENT specialist in two weeks. I really hope they can help me pinpoint what's going wrong in my body and how I can prevent it. I'm feeling pretty stuffy and gross today. Not so attractive. I can't wait to breathe out of my nose again and to shake this nasty, sick feeling I've had for over two months!



I hate to be so negative, so on the plus side, my room is very clean which feels nice.

Slowly waking up to light rain outside my window... My favorite.